pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
