at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
