just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
