I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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