He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
