Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
