3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
