I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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