I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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