Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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