I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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