ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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