I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do herpes really smell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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