just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
