i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
