She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
