Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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