Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
