I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
