He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
