ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
