Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
