I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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