mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
