guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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