you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
