I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
