he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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