you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm too high and old for this...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
