Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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