My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
