i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
