Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
