had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do herpes really smell.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
