im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
