I wanna passion pit in your ass
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
