If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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