Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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