I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
