3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
