I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
