with your own penis?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
