ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
