the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
