I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
