she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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