I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think my fart just growled at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
