DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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