Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
