Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
