i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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