Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
