You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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