i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
