i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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