dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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